From Rejection to Growth: How I Transformed Myself in 100 Days by Facing Rejection

Selected 100 classic TED talks, lasting 8-15 minutes, covering innovation, growth, and future trends. Offers MP3 streaming, downloads, and English transcripts to help improve listening and speaking skills. Ignite your passion for learning through the power of ideas! Here is this issue's collection of 100 classic TED talk materials for spoken English and listening practice. Consistent practice will make your English closer to real life!

When I was six years old, I received my gift. My first great teacher had this brilliant idea. She wanted us to experience receiving gifts, but also learning the virtue of complementing each other. She had all of us come to the front of the classroom and bought all of us gifts and stacked them in the corner. She said, why don't we just stand here and compliment each other? If you hear your name called, go and pick up your gifts and sit down. What a wonderful idea, right? What could go wrong? Well, there were 40 of us who started with and every time when I hear someone's name called, I would give out the heartiest cheer. And then there were 20 people left and 10 people left and 5 left and 3 left. That was one of them. And the compliments stopped. Well, at that moment, I was crying. The teacher was freaking out. She was like, hey, would anyone see anything nice about these people? No one? Okay, why don't you go get your gift and sit down. To behave next year, someone might say something nice about you. Well, as I'm describing this to you, you probably know I remember this really well. But I don't know who felt worse that day. Was that me or the teacher? She must realize that she turned a team-building event into a public roast for three, six-year-olds. Without a humor, when you see people get roasted on TV, it was funny. There was nothing funny about that day.

Fast forward eight years, Bill Gates came to my hometown Beijing, China, to speak. And I saw his message. I fell in love with that guy. I thought, wow, I know what I want to do now. That night, I wrote a letter to my family, telling them, by age 25, I would build the biggest company in the world. And that company will buy Microsoft. I totally embraced this idea of conquering the world. Two years later, I was presented with an opportunity to come to the United States. I jumped on it, because that was where Bill Gates lived. So I thought that was the start of my entrepreneur journey.

Then fast forward another 14 years, I was 30. Well, I didn't build that company. I didn't even start. I was actually a marketing manager for a Fortune 500 company. And I felt I was stuck. I was stagnant. Why is that? Where is that 14-year-old who wrote that letter? It's not because he didn't try. It's because every time I wanted a new idea, every time I wanted to try something new, even at work, I wanted to make a proposal. I wanted to speak up in front of people in a group. I felt there was this constant battle between the 14-year-old and the six-year-old. One wanted to conquer the world, make a difference. Another was afraid of rejection. And every time, the six-year-old won. This fear even persisted after I started my own company. I started my own company when I was 30. If you want to be Bill Gates, you got to start sooner. When I was an entrepreneur, I was presented with an investment opportunity. And then I was turned down. And that rejection hurt me. It hurt so bad that I wanted to quit right there.

But then I thought, hey, would Bill Gates quit after a simple investment rejection? With any successful entrepreneur, quit like that? No way. And this was very clear for me. Okay, I can build a better company. I can build a better team or better product. But one thing for sure, I could be a better leader. I could be a better person. I cannot let that six-year-old keep dictating my life anymore. I have to put him back to his place. So this is where I went online and looked for help. Google was my friend. I searched, how do I overcome the fear of rejection? I came up with a bunch of psychology articles about where the fear and pain are coming from. Then I found a website called rejectiontherapy.com. Rejection therapy was a game invented by a Canadian entrepreneur, Jason Comley. The idea is, for 30 days you go out and look for rejection. And by the end, you desensitize yourself from the pain.

I loved that idea. I said, I will film myself getting rejected for 100 days. I came up with my own rejection ideas and made a video blog out of it. Day one: $400 from a stranger. I approached a man sitting behind a desk who looked like a security guard. I asked, can I borrow $100 from you? He said no. I turned around and ran. I felt so embarrassed. Watching the video that night, I realized I looked scared, like that six-year-old kid. But I also saw that he wasn’t menacing. He was approachable and even invited me to explain myself. I didn’t. I ran. That was a microcosm of my life. Every time I feel the slightest rejection, I would run as fast as I could.

Day two: request a burger refill. I went to a burger joint and asked for a burger refill. The cashier was confused and said no. I stayed engaged and complimented the burger and the joint. He said he’d mention it to the manager. No immediate success, but I learned to stay engaged and not run. Day three: getting Olympic donuts. I went to Krispy Kreme and asked for donuts shaped like Olympic symbols. The donut maker actually created it. That video got over five million views on YouTube. The notoriety didn’t change me. I wanted to learn and change myself. I turned the rest of my 100-day rejection project into a research playground.

I discovered secrets: if I don’t run, I can turn rejection into a knowing tool. Magic word: why. One day I asked a stranger to plant a flower in his backyard. He said no, but explained why. I followed his referral and planted it with someone else. I also learned to maximize chances for a yes. I asked to be a Starbucks greeter, mentioned potential doubts, and gained trust. I realized mentioning doubts increased people’s willingness to agree. I fulfilled dreams by simply asking. I could teach a college class by persistent requests. The demeanor of people changes when approached thoughtfully. Rejection taught me patience and creativity.

Martin Luther King, Jr., Gandhi, Mandela, even Jesus faced rejections but let their reactions define them. I embraced rejection. It was my curse, my boogeyman, bothering me because I ran from it. I turned it into my biggest gift. I started teaching others how to turn rejections into opportunities. Using my blog, talks, book, and technology, I encouraged people not to run. Facing obstacles, failure, and rejection can be transformative. Embrace them and they may become gifts as well. Thank you.